Dynasty Cafeteria

What did we do last week? Not much, we just built a restaurant. You know, then we drank some beer and thought a little harder about what would be cool to eat while we were drinking it. Typically, salty stuff, carby stuff, baked stuff, cheap stuff, deep fried stuff, fresh fruit. You know what sucks? Paying a lot of money for food that tastes like crap. You know what rules? Getting really good food that tastes like nothing you’ve ever had for not that much money.

We just opened up a micro-restaurant inside 285 Kent Ave, home of a new music venue, art space, Babycastles arcade, and also, it’s in the old “Paris London West Nile” space. We pretty much serve the best snacks. It’s dirt cheap, why even bother eating at home, you can eat here everyday, and probably save money, you know what I mean?

Here’s a taste of what our menu looks like:

Grape Kool-Aid Fritters $3

Waffle Grilled Cheese $3

Pizza Waffle Sandwich $4 or $5 w/pepperoni

Black Bean and Queso Muffins $2

BBQ Tofu Summer Rolls $2 or 3/$5

Spicy Boiled Peanuts $3

Lime Coconut Bars $2

Fat Watermelon Slice $1

Fruit Flavored Ice Pops 2/$1

We add new stuff almost everyday, so no one gets bored.

AND we open DAILY 8PM-1AM!!!!!! Who knows how long we can keep this up for!

On Heritage Radio

Hear me BURP on the radio and talk about new recession proof cooking concepts:

Thank you Roberta’s for all the free pizza. I look forward to letting it harden, cutting it up into small pieces, re-toasting it, topping it with more cheese and sour cream, and serving it to my guests as a nacho platter.

http://www.heritageradionetwork.com/episodes/1650-U-Look-Hungry-Episode-1-Thu-Tran

Vegetarian Pizza Sammie

I ordered a pizza a while back, and it was very good. But I have also been obsessed with these Morningstar maple breakfast sausage patties, so i figured the only thing better than these two things would be combining them into one big ol’ super sammie. Here’s the ingredients…

Pizza…

sausage patties…

Equals

SAMMIE!!

and here it is all dressed up with spaghetti sauce.

This was more sandwich that I thought it would be. I also ate some of the other slices of pizza while i was making it, so.. you know.. I was full. At any rate an unexpected bonus was the sweetness of the sausage in contrast with the salty greasiness of the pizza. give it a try some time won’t you?

VEGETARIAN-ASS PIZZA

Hi guys! I’ve been trying to lay off the meat group a little bit, and after a long day of shooting vegetable and animal still lives with Josef Kraska, I had a lot of vegetables leftover!! Quite frankly it stressed me out a little bit thinking about what to do with all these leftover veggies. How do I cram as much arbitrary vegetables as possible into one dish? I thought to myself… oh, okay, I guess I can make a vegetable pizza. Luckily me endless summer schedule has allotted me the time to make everything from scratch.

I started out with a spinach dough. I melted a packet of yeast in some warm water with some honey. It started looking pretty fizzy after about 5 minutes or so. Sorry for the arbitrary measurements. While the yeast was activating, I cooked a whole bag of spinach down in a little olive oil, and then pureed it with a hand blender. It looked like a green dump! I added that to the activated yeast!

Here is the dough recipe:

  • one packet yeast
  • 2 tb honey
  • 1/3 cup warm water
  • one bag fresh spinach, wilted, pureed
  • 2 1/4 cups of flour
  • 3/4 cup cornmeal
  • 1/2 tsp salt

Okay, I guess where at the part where you add the flour, cornmeal and the salt. I added the cornmeal there to give it some more crunch texture. It works well!!! Mix that all together with your hands and let the dough sit for a few hours, until it’s at least doubled/tripled in size.

SAUCE

Meanwhile, I made a very rich sauce for the pizza. I sauteed some onions and garlic in butter and garlic. After that got soft, I added 2 diced tomatoes. I also had a bunch of kale. The kale was unfortunately covered in poly-fil from the photoshoot, so I tried to labor-intensely wash and pick out all the fuzz. Imagine your bathrug covered in pubes, this was what this process was like.

I did my best until I said fuck it who cares, and chopped up the kale and put it in the pot with the rest of the crap. I then poured it a generous amount of balsamic vinegar, and let that reduce down. I also had some leftover syrupy PLUM PUREE from making popsicles, so I dumped that into the sauce as well! This might have been the magic ingredient here. I let all this cook down until most of the liquid was evaporated, but the vegetables were still soft and wet.

TOPPINGS

I had some mini eggplants, so I sliced them up into coins, and then I made my boyfriend go get some cheese, which was the only thing I had to go out and get. He returned with a cube of fresh Polly-O mozzarella, and I cut it up into some chunks.

I also had some leftover romano cheesse, which I grated.

ASSEMBLING AND BAKING

So the dough got nice and poofy, so I kneaded like 3 times, and stretched it out into an oiled sheet tray. Then I put on the sauce, then the eggplant, then the mozz, then the romano, then I ground some black pepper on top.

I baked it in a preheated oven at 400 F for 20 minutes. My oven runs a little hot, but ideally you want the oven in the 420 range of temperature.

It came out perfect!

And in one fell swoop, I got rid of the almost rotting spinach, kale, tomatoes, onion, garlic, eggplant, and plums. The kale was a surprisingly awesome element to the pizza, the sweetness from the plum puree syrup and the vinegar and the onions, really set off that kale in a stellar way. Who knew this vegetarian pizza would be so satisfying? Might be the best I ever had!

THE FEAST, ALL THAT MATTERED WAS THE FRIED DOUGH

I hope you guys caught the feast last weekend, the fried dough was off the chain. For $4.00, you could have purchased a paper sack FULL of fried ecstacy, and drenched in the finest, whitest, purest powdered sugar. I mean, I’m sure it’s pretty hard to fuck up fried dough, but oh man, how greasy and crispy on the outside and how chewy and steamy on the inside! Sorry, I don’t have a picture, I ate it all before I even thought about it.

Here are other fun pictures from the feast in Williamsburg.

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I know I hyped up the fried dough pretty hard, but the italian sausage on a hoagie was also excellent. I am enjoying it here with a grilled bell peppers and onions, and also a chili pepper that stretches the entire length of the bun. I also know that this pictures is sideways as hell.

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Okay, if you still want fried dough, and you are in Williamsburg, I would HIGHLY recommend going to TONY’S PIZZA at 355 Graham Avenue. The dough they are frying is pizza dough, and it is still piled mile high in powdered sugar. It rules. They taste almost as good as those beignets at Cafe du Monde in New Orleans, except way greasier. Okay, maybe I’m exagerating, they are not amazing, but they will suffice if you are fiending for fried dough and you are in the neighborhood. I can’t think of what else might be better for dessert after eating some pizza.

Their pizza is also cheap and delicious offering both NY style thin crust and midwest style poofy crust. Here is what their sausage and pepperoni slice looks like:

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These are the fried dough balls. I washed this all down with a can of coke, and will definitely be on my way to getting fat. See ya later!!!

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