Dynasty Cafeteria

What did we do last week? Not much, we just built a restaurant. You know, then we drank some beer and thought a little harder about what would be cool to eat while we were drinking it. Typically, salty stuff, carby stuff, baked stuff, cheap stuff, deep fried stuff, fresh fruit. You know what sucks? Paying a lot of money for food that tastes like crap. You know what rules? Getting really good food that tastes like nothing you’ve ever had for not that much money.

We just opened up a micro-restaurant inside 285 Kent Ave, home of a new music venue, art space, Babycastles arcade, and also, it’s in the old “Paris London West Nile” space. We pretty much serve the best snacks. It’s dirt cheap, why even bother eating at home, you can eat here everyday, and probably save money, you know what I mean?

Here’s a taste of what our menu looks like:

Grape Kool-Aid Fritters $3

Waffle Grilled Cheese $3

Pizza Waffle Sandwich $4 or $5 w/pepperoni

Black Bean and Queso Muffins $2

BBQ Tofu Summer Rolls $2 or 3/$5

Spicy Boiled Peanuts $3

Lime Coconut Bars $2

Fat Watermelon Slice $1

Fruit Flavored Ice Pops 2/$1

We add new stuff almost everyday, so no one gets bored.

AND we open DAILY 8PM-1AM!!!!!! Who knows how long we can keep this up for!

Kaua’i Conveniences

Two reasons why I love Kaua’i convenient stores.

Reason #1. Little wing-filled trays of food. They have exactly what I want to eat, in the exact amount, and was on sale for only $1.79. Three chicken wings with 2 pieces of sushi, which had mahi tuna, cucumbers and salted plums.

This second tray is a little more trashed out, with 4 chicken wings, 1 tater log and 3 waffle fries. This one was $4.

Reason #2. Tall boys of coca cola. Seriously, this was a dream come true for me. Nothing like drinking that much coke out of a tall metal can. Here I am enjoying a tall one beside the Waimea canyon.

Wasabi doritoes

Look at this, it’s real. And it’s got a mild wasabi kick to it and I guess a soy sauce flavor. Matt Fitzpatrick suggested these be might as well be called “Ching ching” chips, and I would concur!!!

Btw I got these at the bodega around the corner from the film forum.

People Used To Have Shorter Lifespans


I can barely make out the text, but I think that is cheese stuffed/covered hotdogs in a bath or creamed corn and mustard.

Madmen seems to be pretty popular these days and people are having viewing parties where they dress the part, drink the drinks, and pretend like it’s the 50’s. I don’t watch the show (yeah I know) but I do like to pretend like I’m from the 50’s, except in my world I’m a time traveller from the 1980’s. I digress.
I recently stumbled upon Retrospace, a pretty amazing site chronicling all sorts of stuff from times past. Considering my weird interest/obsession with f’ed up junk food, i went directly to the Gastro-Abominations section and perused the images. I guess to go full circle, is anybody having Madmen viewing parties where they are serving some of this gnarly cuisine? And if so, can I come?
Asides from the image up top, here are some more of my favorites:


I guess this is meat wrapped around celery covered in some sort of cheese?


This really isn’t that crazy, I just think it’s a cool ad and concept.

And this image which won’t show up for whatever reason. I can imagine some executive being like “Well have YOU tried it? That’s what I thought so JUST DO IT.”

The whole site seems to be full of treasures, and I’ve just barely cracked the surface. Here’s another one of my favorites, this one from the Retro Ads section.
Despite my appearance and tendencies, I was never a fan of Dungeons and Dragons. Believe it or not.

Anything on the site make you smile?

Dumpster-diving cat turds

This is a little love note to all the dumpster diving, freegan, gray water using kids out there, doing their stinky shameless best to use up all of the crap businesses throw out everyday. This takes a special sort of diligence and commitment to ideals to proudly and prosperously live off of other peoples less than perfect garbage.  And it takes balls to have a bake sale, and make all of the pastries out of dumpster dived food..

but it takes extra big balls to make dumpster dived pastries in the shape of cat shit, and laugh and take peoples money in exchange for them.

The recipe for these is just a chocolate no bake cookie, rolled into a log shape, and then rolled in granulated sugar. Besides being delicious , these prove that basically anything can be a turd if  it’s brown and you roll it into a log shape. These were a lovely treat after a night of videos and beer, and all of the proceeds went to Odd Obsessions Video, which is an independently owned video store that operates like a co-op, being run almost entirely by volunteers, and specializing in weird, out of print , and cult favorites. Check them out today!

Dream Doughnut Shop

I met the doughnut shop of my dreams a couple weeks ago in Portland Oregon. It’s called Voodoo Doughnuts.

I went here late night one Wednesday with Chris Duffy to find bums, musicians, Scion reps, teens, all hanging out like a big cloud around the front of the shop.

Inside, it’s decorated like a big weird dougnut shrine, with a bunch of artifacts and fun crap. It’s pretty packed with crap. Also as we were waiting in line, some sort of drunk drama was unfolding before us as some girl waiting in line flirted with some dude who apparently was not her boyfriend, who stormed in seconds later to pull her out of the line. At the time that we went, this Voodoo Doughnut was staffed by very cute and pierced and punky black t-shirted teens.

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The doughnut selection itself is every bratty 12 year old’s dream come true. Doughnuts here are topped with captain crunch, froot loops, cocoa puffs, dubble bubble gum, marshmallows, crispy bacon, etc… They are flavored by sprinkling various flavors of powdered kool-aid and tang and nestea on top, which is totally brilliant by the way. And they are variably shaped like giant penises, huge blunts, playfully tortured voodoo dolls, sloppy chunks, and of course like a doughnut. On their online menu, they definitely had once offered doughnuts glazed in pepto-bismal and nyquil.

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The doughnut I went for that evening was the “GRAPE APE.” The secret ingredient here was definitely a thin layer of powdered grape kool-aid delicately coating the icing on top. This doughnut blew my mind. It tasted exactly how a grape doughnut would taste: sugary, yeasty, grape aftertaste. I’ll be coming back for more.

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