Dynasty Cafeteria

What did we do last week? Not much, we just built a restaurant. You know, then we drank some beer and thought a little harder about what would be cool to eat while we were drinking it. Typically, salty stuff, carby stuff, baked stuff, cheap stuff, deep fried stuff, fresh fruit. You know what sucks? Paying a lot of money for food that tastes like crap. You know what rules? Getting really good food that tastes like nothing you’ve ever had for not that much money.

We just opened up a micro-restaurant inside 285 Kent Ave, home of a new music venue, art space, Babycastles arcade, and also, it’s in the old “Paris London West Nile” space. We pretty much serve the best snacks. It’s dirt cheap, why even bother eating at home, you can eat here everyday, and probably save money, you know what I mean?

Here’s a taste of what our menu looks like:

Grape Kool-Aid Fritters $3

Waffle Grilled Cheese $3

Pizza Waffle Sandwich $4 or $5 w/pepperoni

Black Bean and Queso Muffins $2

BBQ Tofu Summer Rolls $2 or 3/$5

Spicy Boiled Peanuts $3

Lime Coconut Bars $2

Fat Watermelon Slice $1

Fruit Flavored Ice Pops 2/$1

We add new stuff almost everyday, so no one gets bored.

AND we open DAILY 8PM-1AM!!!!!! Who knows how long we can keep this up for!

Wrap-N-Mat

So here’s just a little quickie about this cool little thing I picked up. They have been around forevah, but I ‘ve never gotten one until a few weeks ago.

And it’s pretty good so far, it does all the stuff it says it will, easy to close, stays closed, and washes easy. It’s only good for one sandwich, so there’s no room for piggy business or date night with this size. You should get one and quit using disposable shit. Or better yet make your own. Here’s a video about doing just that.

“Dang! Thats Good” Butterscotch Root Beer

On a recent trip to Wisconsin, Shawn and I stopped at The Mars Cheese Castle.

Get it?  It is everything you think it is, a castle shaped building with an outlandish assortment of cheese and varying degrees of snackage for you to smell, taste, and then eventually purchase. I am still on a fish only kick these days, so the sausage was off the table so to speak. And when I bit into the wildest freshest ( possibly haunted) cheese curd i have ever eaten, and it squeaked against my teeth, I decided on buying some fun sodas instead. And here’s what I bought…

Meet “Dang! That’s Good”  Butterscotch Root Beer.

Dang! is a part of a line of sodas from Imperial Flavors of Wisconsin, including energy drink and diet versions of Rootbeer and this simple but tasty looking little twist, Butterscotch. The marketing is simple, it’s dang good. Just like the name says.

But to be honest, I spent the whole weekend eating all type of vacation-y shit, but never drank that soda. There is nothing wrong with it. I just never got around to opening it. until now.

I have recorded my first sip for you to enjoy.

See.

>>>>>ZAPP’S VOODOO POTATO CHIPS!!!!!!!!

Whilst gathering snacks for my bike ride to the beach I came across this witchy bag of chips and could not pass them up!

This company called ZAPP’s from Louisiana seems pretty sweet. Check out their silly website: http://www.potatochips.com/

The explanation for the flavor is on the back of the bag. They claim an employee spilled all the flavor dust together, took a taste and voila! VOODOO! I’d like to think that the chips contain some secret witchy power. The flavor of these chips is SALT ‘n VINEGAR meets BBQ. It’s rather satisfying. Pretty sweet and sour. Also, I am pleased that ZAPP’s neither uses any really strange ingredients nor MSG! Plus, their phone number is 1-800-HOT-CHIP!!!

Survey says: BUY THESE CHIPS!

Q-Bees.. WTF!?

So, this afternoon after a thrilling Fish and Chips Lunch, complete with Bloody Marys at Duke of Perth , Shawn not so subtly hinted that he wanted a sweet cold treat to round out his fried food fullness. So I hopped out of the car and headed to the store with the intention of picking up some frozen snickers bars. Alas there were none. HOWEVER,  lo and behold I found there in the freezer, Q-bees (pronounced cube-eez)!

Which are Rice Krispie (style) Treats filled with ice cream, and available  in three flavors each with their own name and anthropomorphic idiosyncrasies. Dave, the chocolate tree hugger and outdoors man, Esquivel the vanilla extreme sports enthusiast, and Suzy Cube, the ubiquitous strawberry girl flavor. After searching around, and coming up with little to nothing about them on the internet, I did find out that this company  is trying new marketing stuff this year, and has since developed new looks for each of the different flavors, hats, lady faces, up dos, and each of them also have twitter pages where you can read along as they bicker Twitter style. SO BIZARRE. Nothing makes me want to eat a vanilla treat  like reading a transcript of  it making fun of the strawberry treat’s obsession with wearing pink outfits while the chocolate flavor insists every one “chillax.”  Anyway, I picked up a pack of the vanilla, as these were this was the only flavor available at the Dominick’s near me.

Here, Shawn considers the cube and then devours it.

So the long and short is, this is a nice little cube of ice cream with a crispy sweet out side, but it really didn’t hold up to the excitement my brain and stomach created while the helped me imagineer a Rice Crispy Treat pregnant with vanilla ice cream. It was weird. Now I almost forgot to mention that this treat is all natural. The whole thing is kosher, vegetarian, and the cream is from cows that are growth hormone free. Which could go either way really, they could be the less than delicious, and sort of “fat free” or “diet” tasting, or they could be extra good rich “handmade” tasting. Sadly after much debate, we decided that there was something sorta Boca about the taste, being totally slammable, but not as good as the bad for you real deal.

And there you have it kids, tasty, good for you, almost entirely guilt free, but not as interesting as advertised.

Dumpster-diving cat turds

This is a little love note to all the dumpster diving, freegan, gray water using kids out there, doing their stinky shameless best to use up all of the crap businesses throw out everyday. This takes a special sort of diligence and commitment to ideals to proudly and prosperously live off of other peoples less than perfect garbage.  And it takes balls to have a bake sale, and make all of the pastries out of dumpster dived food..

but it takes extra big balls to make dumpster dived pastries in the shape of cat shit, and laugh and take peoples money in exchange for them.

The recipe for these is just a chocolate no bake cookie, rolled into a log shape, and then rolled in granulated sugar. Besides being delicious , these prove that basically anything can be a turd if  it’s brown and you roll it into a log shape. These were a lovely treat after a night of videos and beer, and all of the proceeds went to Odd Obsessions Video, which is an independently owned video store that operates like a co-op, being run almost entirely by volunteers, and specializing in weird, out of print , and cult favorites. Check them out today!

Arby’s comes to Brooklyn

Late last year, Brooklyn residents noticed some “Arby’s Coming Soon” signs near Smith and Fulton in the Fulton Mall. (not jokes like the very RUDE April Fool’s Day In-n-Out prank from last week that swept NYC and left them crying for tasty burgers)
I must admit I was excited about this even though I don’t really eat fast food except for once in a great while. Well, the time has come and today is the day to try the new Arby’s. It opened in January (I believe) and is apparently very beautiful inside.

Here is a photo I stole from the innerweb of the opening:

I am not here to talk to you about the interior of the place, or the fact that when my Beef-n-Cheddar arrives it will have been en route for 25 minutes before it hits my lips. I’m here to tell you about happiness that can sometimes come in the form of food that is NOT good for you, but makes you feel good nonetheless. As I am writing this, my food is still not here. You are actually witness to my anticipation. Right now I am also starting to think I should’ve gone ahead and ordered that Jamocha shake anyways, even if it would’ve been melty by the time it got back to me: I would love to dip my curly fries in that!  Everyone in the office is excited about this food adventure we are about to embark on, hopefully SOON because it’s been an hour since the girl left dammit! I wonder if I’ll even be able to take a photo of my food before devouring it. Mmmmm….cheddar.

Maybe I should try the bathroom trick! GOOD THINKING! BRB!

Ugh. That only works in the movies.

Let’s dig up some random Arby’s facts as we wait! Here’s an old commercial featuring PacMan:

And the internet diversion worked! The food has arrived!!!!

Look at her. She’s gorgeous. And she was worth the wait.

Thumbs up. Go get one!