Sangria is BLOOD

Hi everybody! It is still so freaking hot as HELL outside, and since HELL is affiliated with Satan, and Satan is affiliated with Evil, and Killing is Evil, and a lot of times when that happens, BLOOD is involved, I decided to make some SANGRIA tonight, and it is delightfully easy and refreshing! And when you make some, you can think about how it’s like, you know, you’re chugging blood, and that’s so cool.

Hey! It’s really easy, this is how I made mine. First, I got some fresh fruit:

Oranges, slice them thin or chop them into chunks!


These are Italian sugar plums! Do the same to these bad boys.


And strawberries! Slice these up as well.


To destroy some illusion, here’s a picture of me taking a picture of the strawberries.


Get some RED WINE! A red table wine is good! I was highly recommended this bottle at the liquor store by the nice store clerk. This is a very sweet Italian red wine. It is very delicious and so sugary and is as close to candy as red wine can get I think. The unicorn on the label is also a nice drawing.


And finally, my final ingredient is SPRITE!!!!

There are of course infinite variations on making Sangria, but this batch I made this evening was especially refreshing and chug-worthy.

I made myself a big glass of it and drank it alone and watched Home Alone 2 with my boyfriend. I put the chopped fruit on the bottom of the cup. Then a couple ice cubes on top of that. Then I poured on the red wine, enough so that the fruit and cubes were submerged, and then a nice good splash of sprite. Finally, I got some chopsticks and aggressively poked and mixed it around so that the fruit penetrated the liquid much better. Here is the cup that I am chugging right now:


Typically, you can add additional sugar to the mix, but the wine I got was already candy level sweetness. If you are looking to get wasted faster, you can add more booze to it as well, such as brandy or triple sec. Also, use whatever fruit you feel like. Other fruits that work well are nectarines, lemons, pineapples, apples, berries, peaches, honeydew could be rowdy, whatever.

I love sangria, because the first time my mom ever served me wine, I thought it was sangria. It was a fizzy red wine that was so refreshing and sugary. When I asked her what it was, she said it was MERLOT and MOUNTAIN DEW!!! It was WILD!!!

Here is a picture of my mom picking some greens from the family garden a couple weeks ago. She is so wonderful!




  1. Merlot and Mountain Dew. I think your mom has something there. Does it have to be Merlot?

    I’m just kidding, of course it has to be.

  2. That is sooo funny. That picture is so weird! I look like a deer in hetdgilhas! Can you say: I have no peripheral vision! Still, that was pretty damn cool to attend a party by video link. How tech is that?! I wonder if one can elevate themselves in both coolness and geekness at the same time. I’m thinking you can. Send me more pictures! ~L

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